The Amazing Mr. Mallow Does It Again

Posted by MallowQueen on 11/9/2011 to Caffeinated News

It's time for the world to stop stereotyping marshmallows. This is one of the messages Christian Akins conveys in his latest installment in the life of The Amazing Mr. Mallow. We know that when people hear the word "marshmallow" they think of something soft and squishy. The expression, "He's a real marshmallow" means that a person is weak, caves in under pressure, and is generally a softie.

The forklift guy is brightening up his dull day by making fun of Mr. Mallow, as he struggles with his box of Caffex caffeinated marshmallows. And let's face it. A box of airy marshmallows is not like a box of cement. Nevertheless, we feel for Mr. Mallow--no one wants to be the butt of anyone's joke. And then the ultimate insult. Mr. Mallow is a desk-jockey in a cushy job, too weak even to be a pencil pusher. Not a real man like the forklift guy, whose jaundiced appearance portends liver disease from too many nights of he-man style drinking.

No! This is too much! The only thing Mr. Mallow can do at this point, is to fortify himself with one of the hyper-caffeinated marshmallows he is carrying. The one he selects looks like a dark, scrumptious MoccaMallow (fortified with chocolate nibs and coffee).

Wow, the transformation is more dramatic than Clark Kent emerging from the phone booth! Wait, can this stuff be legal? One bite and the metamorphosis begins. The drab warehouse setting transmogrifies into a burst of color and energetic vibration. Mr. Mallow's complexion is changing from pasty white to a toasty brown.

What has happened to the dweeby Mr. Mallow? Now that he's caffeinated he is not so dead white. He is so powerful, he lifts the forklift guy and his load overhead and looks like he could even toss them just to see how far he can throw. You can feel that he has energy left over too. He will rearrange the entire warehouse, singlehandedly, to suit his organizational feeding frenzy---before lunch. And what about the regretful forklift guy? He is screaming in terror for Mr. Mallow to put him down. He could probably use a JavaMallow for comfort.